I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
babies were throwing up all over the place
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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