What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
