You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
pray to the hookup gods
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
