I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
