You can't special order awesome
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
