I think I died a long time ago.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
