you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She bit a glass in half.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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