Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
