we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
