if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.