I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets