New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?