she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
