And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
