I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
