it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
