If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
