Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
