I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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