oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
