You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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