you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
