I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
