Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
