pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
