I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
