Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
