i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
