Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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