I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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