my being single is dangerous.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
