Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
