that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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