i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
