apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
