he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
