U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
