So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
