It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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