my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?