watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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