went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.