If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"