Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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