She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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