what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
