Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
