This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
