you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
