You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
