We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
