true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
