Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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