they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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