Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
