is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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