I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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