Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
