Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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