holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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