Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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