nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
