dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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