maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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