Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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