i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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